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A couple of weeks ago I was getting ready for work and the BBC Breakfast weather forecast came on.  There is nothing particularly exciting or different about this routine but for some reason this day has stuck in my head.  It made me question the expectations and ideas we as humans set.

The weather forecast was looking good – sunny and hot – so I was pleased.  However, the forecaster said this sentence and it got me thinking:

“The temperature is higher than it should be for this time of the year.”

It was quite a normal statement I guess, but it made me think that who says what something ‘should’ be.  Why can’t we just accept things as they are and not compare them to other things or expectations that – let’s face it – humans themselves create.

The temperature that day should not have been not have been anything except what it was.  By having these expectations we force ourselves to constantly compare and analyse situations.  I know the weather is a very trivial matter but just by thinking thoughts like it is hotter than it ‘should’ be means that we are always being judgemental and not actually living in the here and now.

I am a serial ‘should’ person. I always set myself standards and expectations.  I should be smarter, thinner, more successful.  I should have recovered long before now.  I should be happy.  I should be perfectly polished and ladylike.  I could share my should list all day long but I’m beginning to see right now that these shoulds don’t actually help me accomplish anything except feeling like a failure a lot of the time. 

It is good to have hopes and aspirations but by saying that I should be or do something I am more or less leading myself down a one-way street. 

Maybe it would have been more ideal if I had recovered long before now, but I’ve not and no amount of should-ing is going to change that.  I need to try to just work from the point I am now and step towards recovery.  That is the only thing I can influence.  Telling myself that I should have recovered before now just makes me beat myself up and feel like since it hasn’t happened yet that it is not possible.

I’m going to try and just work on making decisions that are recovery focused now and stop hating myself for the years I have not spent recovering.  Every minute I will try to accept as it is and do the things that will lead me closer to the recovered life I so desire.

As a society we all ‘should’ far too often but it really doesn’t achieve anything. Saying it was warmer than it should be, didn’t make the temperature change. Saying that you ‘should’ vacuum doesn’t make the carpet clean and thinking that you ‘should’ have done something differently only makes you judge yourself and be critical.

Should-ing is pointless and I hope that maybe the world can stop over-thinking and just take life as it is.  Why don’t we focus on making changes and decisions that affect the future as that is ultimately all we can do.  Ceasing should-ing may actually help make us a bit happier.