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AN, AN recovery, ana, ana recovery, anamia, anarecovery, anorexia, anorexia recovery, anorexiarecovery, anorexic, ANrecovery, bulimia, depressed, depression, Disorders, Eating, eating disorder, eating disorder recovery, eatingdisorder, eatingdisorderrecovery, ed, ed freedom, ed recovery, Edrecocery, edrecovery, gaining life, life, me, mental health, mental illness, mentalhealth, my recovery, myrecovery
Tomorrow is unwritten and is a fresh start from the disastrous day that I have had today.
Tomorrow the sun will come out and I can try again.
Tomorrow is worth staying for.
The past couple of days have been nothing short of hell. Eating disorder behaviours and urges have been so incredibly strong and I have failed at fighting them off. Yesterday and today I could barely function because all my mind could think about was food and at 6pm I was considering going to my bed to get rid of the thoughts.
I am ever so glad that tomorrow is a chance to try again.
Of late I have been setting myself rather unobtainable goals with regards to my recovery. I guess after 8 and a half years of disordered thoughts and behaviours telling myself I will abstain from behaviours for weeks at a time is unrealistic and actually detrimental. I feel when I set these over-stretching goals it makes me become even more obsessed about food and thus making the urges to binge and purge even stronger as the stretching targets seem so far away. I am not sure if this is making much sense but I think the plan from now is to just take it one day at a time. Setting goals to go x weeks at a time following a restrictive meal plan and ceasing b/p behaviours is setting me up for failure before I even start and it is actually causing me to resort to my vices. So for now I will just set myself goals for one day at a time.
Tomorrow I will follow my meal plan and I will also have something sweet if it is going to keep my cravings at bay. That is my new plan of attack. I am not thinking to two weeks down the line, just to tomorrow and once I have conquered that I will think of making it through the next day!
Today may have been a disaster but that doesn’t mean tomorrow will be too. I feel more empowered thinking this way.
I am ready to make tomorrow a better day (which won’t be hard given how terrible today has been). I cannot expect to jump from zero to hero overnight after suffering this way for so many years but what I can do is plan short-term goals to get me through the best I can.
Tomorrow’s goals:
- Eat 3 meals and 3 snacks. (Note to self: this is nothing to feel bad about and will keep my blood sugars stable therefore giving me energy to concentrate at work and reduce the urges to b/p).
- Be kind to myself. I carry a little card in my purse with a quote on it and I am going to restart using it. It reads ‘today I will take care of myself mentally and physically. I will protect myself from negative thoughts and actions. If it is not loving, nurturing or beneficial to my recovery, I will let it go’ and I will try to remind myself of this throughout the day and practice what it says.
- Spend time tomorrow night reflecting on the positives and also the struggles (this will help me be aware of how to overcome them in the future) and also set myself goals for the next day.
I’m back and I am fighting. I forgive myself for today. I am ready to see the sun come out tomorrow. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This.